“Bobby, you picked a great one.”

Exactly ten years ago today on a cold and bitter February night in NYC I made the wisest decision of my life: I asked Rachel McDonald to marry me. Thankfully she said yes.

The story of my engagement to Rachel actually started with a ruse (a supposed dinner plans we had with the Pontaerlli’s that night). Instead of dinner I called Rachel at 5pm that Friday night, in 2001, and said “we have a change in plans…can you meet me at The Empire State Building” (for those who take me for an overly romantic guy, I still have yet to see “An Affair to Remember”).

Thankfully, Rachel avoided getting hit by a cab and met me (on time I might add) in the front of the most majestic building in NYC. I knew by the look on her face it was both clear to her what my intension were and what her answer would be. While we took the elevator ride up 102 flights to the observation deck, we chatted briskly about the important issues of the day, like the weather and how the SU basketball team where doing. However, through it all, it was all too clear what was going to happen (I mean in was a cold Feb. night, why would anybody want to go to the top of the Empire State Building). Once at the top we took in the scenic view, then I went to a knee and proposed. Called it the emotions of the moment or maybe because it was zero degrees that night, but once Rachel said “yes” we were quickly on our way back down. We had after all, plans that night. I had a rental car awaiting us (we still lived in the city) and we were on our way, first a stop to my Parents home in Scarsdale, and then onto Rachel's parents in Westport were a feast of Lobster and New England clam chowder awaited us. On the way to the car were we both overwhelmed by the events, it was hard to even think straight. I did however know one thing, and that was I knew exactly who had to call first to tell of the great news. My best man Dave would have to wait, the boys from Edgewood same thing. In fact when we got in the car Rachel had at the ready her cell phone, the size of a small sandwich (it was ten years ago) and was all ready to start the endless calls to the “tribe” of a family that she is apart of. But before she started to dial I said let me make one call, the first call…to my sister Maria. Rachel gladly passed the phone to me.

Ten years later I still remember Maria's number. Soon after dialing 505-8467, Maria pick-up the phone, and after we dismissed with some pleasantries (like how the SU basketball team was doing) I told her the big news- Rachel and I just got engaged. Without hesitation and with a small crack in her voice she something I will never forget:

“Bobby, you picked a great one”

Her response was not surprising. Not so much because of what I had shared with her about my feelings for Rachel, but because her reaction was based primarily on her first hand experience with my future wife. You see, simply put Maria ADORED Rachel. Whether it was dinner at a trendy east village restaurant, to watching and analyzing the Sopranos on HBO, to waiting in line to see the newest Matrix film or a simple call to her to help us solve the NYT crossword puzzle (she knew everything), Maria loved everything about Rachel and cherished every opportunity to be with her. And the feeling was mutual. While both Rachel and I could never really understand what exactly Maria did at her job (assessing the value of engineering firms around the world was the best we could figure out) it was the vast range of interest and passions that Maria had that Rachel found so endearing. And Maria was no snob. She could happily discuss the classic and current events as much as get a chuckle watching a rerun of the Odd Couple. Because of this relationship, Rachel was the loving sister Maria never had, someone who treated her as she truly was, a kind, smart and fun person, with no agenda or conditions.

But what was fascinating to Maria to no end was not only the grace, charm and beauty that Rachel possess, but it was her loving and devoted way she talked about her family, that "McDonald tribe" that Maria would call it. It seemed to Maria to be an endless parade of stories, centered on fascinating, passionate people, all interesting in their own special way but ALWAYS undeniable connect by a single bond of family or friendship. She had heard all the stories, images, characters that enrich Rachel life and she would many times privately and affectionaly reactant them to me. Among her favorites: Rachel’s beautiful Mom teaching aerobics, her father chasing the neighborhood kids and making crazy bets, the night Rachel's parents meet the Pasagian's, summers at Lincoln Park, the day the local Rabbi saw a Christmas Tree at the home of her mom when she was young, John and Maureen and their endless love of the theater, Jake and Johnny Cash, Willie sending a bottle of Champagne to Marvin Hagglers’ table, Juddy sinking clutch free throws for Durfee as a HS sophomore, playing endless games of BB at the Feitelbergs backyard, EVERYDAY working for cousin Joanne’s catering company, Auntie Nancy and all her fairies!, Nicky Salmon and his sandwiches, her vivid details of her high ceiling always welcoming home on Underwood, all 7 Hills, Weasie and Rick and their VW van they had in the 70’s, Meat Pies…lots of Meat pies, Grinders (from Mazzulllis), the Venus De Milo, Bakers Beach, people named Cuffy, Tough Tony and Togo, Uncle Andy and the '48 team, cousin B.J. and the '79 team, cousin Bobby and the '84 team, Juddy and the 88-89' team. Uncle Barry's love of the Irish, Uncle Bob and the FBI and of course her beloved Granny's who would scratch her back at night and who always rooted for her beloved Red Sox.

You see at this point even thought I dated Rachel for over three years, Maria had yet to meet any of her family. So when we came back from Mass, the weekend we got engaged (we celebrated that Sunday night at Willie and Izabel's apartment with Maria) and the plans for a June wedding were just starting to develop, and with it the long procession of party, dates and family get together I wondered if it all might be overwhelming for Maria. As those who knew her, she had a hard time allowing anyone to enter her world. It would be something she battled her whole adult life. So the prospects of literally overnight being engulfed by the “tribe” was potentially intimidating to her. But Maria felt no fear. After all if the McDonalds were anything like Rachel, she would undoubtedly love them all. And she did.

Our engagement stared that ground hog day in 2001 and 105 days later Rachel and I would marry. In between Maria was in the center of it all. From wedding gown shopping in NYC with Joanne and Colleen (Colleen commented on how “cool" and "New York" Maria and my Mom where) to getting the material for her “wedding party” dress, to the bachelorette party where she declared to everyone “that I was a lucky Bastard”.

And to NEVER, be overlooked is the other side of Rachel’s family, the Woltman’s. Smaller in size but equally generous in spirit, both Maria and my Mom experienced this first had during the weekend of Rachel’s bridals shower (One of only two trips to Fall River Maria ever made). That weekend Rachel's Uncle Lee and Aunt LeAnn literally open their doors by inviting them both to stay at their newly renovated home in Westport for the weekend. The cherry on top, and a great way to illustration how these families roll together, was the Sunday morning that weekend when both my Mom and Maria were awaken by a knock at the door. It was cousin Brendan McDonald, who's company was doing the construction of the home, who came by the house and the three shared a impromptu cup of coffee before Brandon went make to do his work (Which made my Mom comment that every family should have a Brendan McDonald).

In retrospect it all seemed like a fast sprint. From the Top of the Empire State Building (FYI, Maria was always partial to the Chrysler building) all the ways to that fun filled and very rainy afternoon in Newport. In-between Maria was exposed to an amazing group of people she quickly called and was accepted as family.

Sadly, she spent so few years as member of this tribe, but she cherished the feeling of being accepted, an acceptance from EVERYONE she met.

Ten years ago tonight…how Maria was right…I picked a great one. In many ways she did too.

Maria's Nativity Scene

Just met a girl named Maria

A note from Maria's Mom, who was watching the Tony Awards last night:

"Am watching the Tony awards, the revival of West Side Story is nominated and I am reminded of the night Maria was born, (she was in a big hurry to get into this world, we barely made it to the hospital), I was wide awake for her birth and so, as soon as she emerged they put her on my chest telling me that I had a little girl. as I looked at her, I thought of the lyrics from the musical, for I had just met a girl named Maria."

Love, Mom

St. Francis of Assisi

"For it is in giving that we receive."
St. Francis of Assisi

Maria's favorite Saint was St. Francis of Assisi (1182-1226). St. Francis
was a Catholic saint, who was a patron of animals, ecology and the
environment. St. Francis was a man, who during his life, astounded and
inspired the Catholic Church by living the holy gospel literally—not in a
narrow fundamentalist sense, but by actually following all that Jesus said
and did, joyfully without limits and without a sense of self-importance.

He dressed in rough clothes and had to beg for his sustenance. But all the while he preached purity and peace wherever he went. He visited hospitals,served the sick, preached in the streets, cared for lepers, cleaned churches, gave food to hungry and took ALL men and women as his siblings.



But perhaps St. Francis of Assisi is most recognized for being a devout friend to all creatures, big and small. To this day, the most popular image of him is in the form of a statue, that has become a universal sight readily found in the backyards or gardens of many catholic homes. (Maria got one for our home!). These statues typically depict him as a bearded little man surrounded by birds standing in a birdbath. To St. Francis every creature was sacred. He possessed an unworldly ability to connect with all animals, from the small and meek to the big and ferocious. 

That is why Maria was so attracted to the life of St. Francis. Even as a young child Maria exhibited an unbridled love for all creatures, big and small. As a young girl she would draw pictures of animals and have her share of the obligatory stuffed ones  (from a lamb as a baby to a large bison when she grew older). And of course she loved reading about them in all kinds of fictional settings as well as wildlife and science text books. As all who knew Maria will remember, cats were her favorite and she surrounded herself by them her entire life. From her room growing up  to her college dorms, the omnipresence of cats followed her wherever she went. You name it, she had it: Books, posters, drawings, even small clay figurines she made in art class. It made for easy gift ideas for her during the holidays. Anything to do with Cats would work, and I certainly obliged over the years.

But it didn't stop with cats. Maria, like St. Francis loved ALL animals. She was one of the few girls I knew growing up who actually liked insects, bugs and even snakes! (A trait her niece Sophia shares as well!). One memorable story was a trip to the Greenburgh nature center when Maria was an 11-year-old girl. One of the handlers at the center was displaying a large snake, to the fright and screams of the many kids in the center. But not Maria. She actually asked, to the slight astonishment of the handler, if she could "hold it". With my Mom holding her breathe, my big sister grabbed hold of the snake and did not even flinch when the snake’s tail slowly coiled around her small arm. Animals do sense calm when interacting with humans and
Maria's steady hand and patience with all animals allowed her to touch them…even snakes! St. Francis would have been proud.

As for all the pets we had growing up, Maria’s "hand" in getting them was always front and center. When Poopsie, our first pet, was begging to come into our house (he was a stray) Maria was the one who reached out to him, took him in and gave old Poopsie all the sliced turkey he craved (no wonder he always came by the house). And when on a rainy fall Saturday morning in 1979, the very Saturday after Poopsie died, it was Maria who at the North Shore animal shelter picked a shy little cat sitting alone in the back of a large cage. There were dozens of cats jumping and meowing for the necessary attention to be liberated from the pound. But Maria saw something in this small frail little cat with four little white paws. And when Maria made up her mind there was no going back.  And she had her sight on the little cat. She picked a good one. Sox, would become our beloved cat who lived for over 20 years. In fact, after Sox passed away, Maria immediately got the two cats my mom presently has: Molly and Goozer (the name our grandfather used to call cats). It was a perfect gift that Maria gave both my Mom and Dad.




Today, St. Francis still plays a big role in our remembrance of Maria and her spirit. At IHM church, the church Maria used to go to at home, there is a statue of St. Francis (no surprise). It faces the Grand Blvd. side of the Church. When Maria and I used to drive by the Church we would many times have to stop at the red light at the corner of Post and Grand Blvd. While we would wait for the light to change she would on many occasion (try every time) comment on St. Francis as we looked at the statue. Because of this whenever a rose blooms in the rose garden she and my Mom planted over 25 years ago, we cut them and place them at the foot of the statue of St. Francis at IHM. 

A fitting tribute to two souls who shared a remarkable love for all creatures…big and small.

Maria's Tree

On the corner of Barry Rd. and Tunstall Rd. in Scarsdale, New York stood for many years, a grand and majestic Hemlock tree. When we moved into our new home in the summer of ’76 this tall and imposing tree was instantly the favorite feature of our new home. As Maria once told me when we were kids, “We may not have the biggest house on the block but we sure have the tallest tree!”

The tree in many ways served as the constant backdrop of our youth. Maria, myself and our friends spent countless hours climbing it, seemingly going higher each time we did. From the top of this tree you could see the roofs of most of the houses on Barry Rd. and the distinctive belfry tower of Edgewood school two blocks away. We loved collecting the tree’s unique pines that served as small projectiles in a variety of games we played. During the winter months we’d throw them into the fireplace watching them crackle and make the holiday fires even more special.

But as special a tree as it was, when we moved to Scarsdale in that summer of ’76, it was by then a very old one. Belying its tall and magnificent stature was the fact that age was catching up to it. In the first few years we lived in the house we couldn’t ignore that it was decaying before our eyes. And when the Melee bug epidemic of 1982 came, (that decimated many of the Hemlock trees in the region), we were forced to acknowledge that our favorite tree would have to be cut down sooner rather then later.

Of course we kids didn’t want to hear it but the subject came up that winter and the subsequent ones that followed. In time my brother Dan went off to Cornell and Maria was soon on her way to Bryn Mawr. By the mid 80’s I was the only “kid” in the house and even I had stopped climbing the tree so much. Still, occasionally I would find myself late at night climbing the tree and thinking about the years gone by and knowing that the tree’s days were numbered. When I started college Maria observed to me that our beloved tree needed to go. I thought, “oh god not you too.” But my sister a lover of all living and beautiful things knew it was time and so I would be the last family member to finally give in. Maria assured me that she would pick a new tree, one even grander then the one we had, one that we would love even more. I assumed with Maria taking charge that she would get another “Hemlock”. After all, we both adored the tree so much it wouldn’t make sense to get different kind.

But soon after we decided to chop down the tree (of note, nothing is sadder then seeing a tree that probably lived for 75 years get chopped down in 10 minutes) I was taken aback when I came home a month later to see the new “tree” Maria got with my Mom. It wasn’t a Hemlock; it was a different variety altogether and smaller (not more then 5 feet!). In fact the stump alone from the freshly chopped down hemlock was almost as tall as this new tree planted next to it. I couldn’t believe it. What was Maria thinking? I quickly argued with her choice of tree but she calmly assured me that while it was true this new tree would never be as big as our Hemlock, but it would be Spectacular in ways that the old tree could never be. She assured me that this new “cherry blossom” tree would be, for one week each spring when it blossoms, the most beautiful tree in the neighborhood. She pointed out that these trees were "tourist attractions" in Washington DC, and that every spring cherry blossoms surrounded the Jefferson Memorial on the Tidal Basin in a sea of pale pink and white, and that they were famously a gift from the Japanese government in 1912. This to me was all very “interesting” but hardly a consolation. Our old tree was gone and now we had this. It was hard to imagine this puny tree having the gravitas and grandeur of our childhood tree and for what?-one week out of the year? It just made no sense. I let it be known that I thought it was a big mistake and vowed never to bring it up again. (although I did harbor resentment toward Maria because of it).

In the years to come I’d come home during the spring, for Easter or weekend visits but for whatever reason I always seemed to miss "that week" when the tree was in full bloom. Maria would always say the same thing “you missed the tree in full bloom again! You should have come out last week you brat!” This went on for a few years until the spring of ’94, when I was walking to my parent’s house from the train. And just as I turned the corner onto Tunstall Rd. I looked up and there it was, Maria’s tree in all its glory! I stood there gazing and could not help but start to laugh; I had to admit it, my big sister was right and now I would have to let her know.

I ran into the house and called her to apologize and gave a full mea culpa of my ignorance and lack of faith in her judgment. She quickly offered an “I forgive you” and “I knew you’d come around.” (It had been five years since she and my Mom planted the tree) “I just didn’t expect you to come around so soon”. Typical Maria humor.

Although Maria is no longer with us here on earth, her tree, “Maria’s tree” is still here. It is living, growing, breathing and for at least one week of the year, like it’s predecessor, is the most spectacular tree on the block. In Fact today April 26th 2008 the tree is in full bloom. Sometimes the biggest tree in the forest is not necessarily qualified to be the best. In fact a small cherry tree can compete with the tallest tree on the block. One of may lessons I learned from my big sister. A lesson I live and breath every spring.

"You are gonna need to get a bigger boat..."

This past Sunday Roy Scheider, one of the most popular actors of American film in the 1970s, died in Little Rock, Ark. He was 75. Of the many films in which Mr. Scheiders appeared in, the 1975 movie Jaws stood out as one of Maria's favorite performances. Of the many memorable scenes and lines of the film her favorite was this iconic moment...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OnaZ8r3p8g

BLADE RUNNER - THE FINAL CUT - IN MOVIE THEATERS

One of Maria’s favorite films was the Sci-Fi cult classic Blade Runner which debuted 25 years ago and which is now back on the big screen as the revised film BLADE RUNNER: THE FINAL CUT. The film originally opened to mostly mixed reviews in 1982, and has undergone many changes in the years since. To some it is remembered as the film with the dubious distinction as opening at the same time as Spielberg's E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) (which in effect rendered the film almost irrelevant in the public mind). But many have sworn allegiance to it not only seeing it as a “classic" but as one of the most influential science-fiction films of all time.

The film was originally a box-office and financial failure, receiving moslty negative reviews from film critics who called it "muddled and baffling" and from viewers who thought its vision of the future was too "dark and gloomy". It also didn’t help that at the last minute the studio forced the director to use a voice-over narrative throughout the film, (ironically making it more confusing), and that the biggest actor of the day, who starred in the movie, was unfortunately miss-cast.

The Movie was directed by Ridley Scott, who at the time was one of the hottest young directors having just finished his hit Alien (1979), and had the casting coup of the year in Hollywood getting Harrison Ford as the lead. Ford was between Star Wars films and had just completed the first of the Indiana Jones movies and was arguably at the height of his popularity.

The ambitious, enigmatic and visually complex film is a futuristic film noir, detective thriller with all the requisite parts - an alienated hero of questionable morality, a femme fatale, airborne police vehicles called "Spinners", dark sets and locations in a Los Angeles of 2019. Ford plays Rick Deckard a weary, former police officer/bounty hunter who is reluctantly dispatched by the state to search for four android replicates that have been created with limited life spans. Tthe film mixes in some Western genre elements as well, and is thematically similar to the story in High Noon (1952) of a lone marshal facing four western outlaws. These four genetically-engineered androids have escaped from a slave camp from an outer planet and are now driven by fear, having come to Earth to locate their “creator” and force him to prolong their short lives. The film's theme, (the quest for immortality), is weaved throughout as is the question of who is really human.

For sure, one element of the film that critics and fans univerisally agree on is its stylized and imaginative visual effects portraying a future Los Angeles that echos other classic Sci-Fi films: Fritz Lang's Metropolis (1927), Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) and a small Sci-Fi movie Maria loved Silent Running (1973). Since the movie opened, many films have attempted to duplicate the stylized look of Blade Runner, including Batman (1989), Strange Days (1995), The Fifth Element (1997), Dark City (1998), The Matrix (1999), and I, Robot (2004). (Of note, the film's screenplay was based on science-fiction writer Philip K. Dick's 1968 novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? another of Maria's favorite Sci-Fi books.)

The first of what became many "revisions" of the film occured in 1992-in the revised 'Director's Cut’ which was released to mark the film's 10th anniversary - it dropped Harrison Ford's mostly redundant voice-over and restored the film's original dark and contemplative vision. Many Blade Runner afficionados prefer the subtlety of the images in the restored version rather than the slow and monotonous tone of the earlier 1982 film with the voice-over. The 'director's cut' also substitutes a less upbeat and shorter, more ambiguous, non-Hollywood ending, and has inserted a new scene of a 'unicorn reverie' (an unused take from Scott's fantasy film Legend (1986)). Fans treat both films as separate entities in their own right: in the 1982 release, Deckard is human. In the 1992 director's cut, Deckard is a replicant, etc.

Now today there is the Final Cut Edition with director Ridley Scott going further to mark the film's 25th anniversary. This "definitive version" containa never-before-seen added/extended scenes, added lines, and new and improved special effects. Among the changes, the "unicorn" scene is made longer - to reinforce the idea that Deckard is a replicant.

So, if you have time to spend and want to see a "classic" Sci-Fi film check out Blade Runner: The Final Cut. It's in theaters today...and yes...it’s playing at the Ziegfed!